Never in a million years did I think my life would consist of dirty hotel rooms, syringes and burnt spoons, but in the end, that’s all I had left. Literally. My amazing family, my beautiful daughter, they seemed like characters in a book- pushed so far from my life because of my overwhelming shame that they had become strangers. But because of God, those “strangers” and my sober living home, my life is steadily being transformed every single day.

I truly believed there was no hope for me. I believed I would die alone an early, heart-wrenching death. I was miserable.

That’s the only word to describe it. I had hit a point where it had to be either self inflicted death- OR TRY ONE MORE TIME to live a life so foreign to me.

One life saving prayer after another began being answered. The signs were big and obvious, I was meant for more.

God knew I needed signs that were in my face. My family were and are my biggest supporters. The pain, guilt and shame we feel as addicts can be plenty enough to prevent us from beginning the journey of recovery. I am grateful every single day for each phone call when I get to tell my mom how my day went and ask about hers, or when I can call my dad and ask for advice or when I receive a text from my brother. Those things mean the most. To think I almost missed this… THAT SCARES ME.

To think others will miss this and continue in the misery too afraid to ask for help… my heart breaks with those thoughts. I AM TRULY, TRULY THANKFUL TO BE LIVING AT MARINS HOPE SOBER LIVING. Where would I be right now without the daily love and support from other women going through the same life changes? I can’t imagine being anywhere else.

There is something you get from fellow recovering addicts that only they can give you.

This house, these women, the programs (aa/na), the accountability, the ease of transitioning into a “normal” life, these are all such important factors in me staying clean. You can’t pick and choose what sounds good to you and expect to stay clean. Use the resources available to you because they will SAVE YOUR LIFE!!

Every day I am now blessed enough to wake up and thank my higher power, my program, my family, Marins Hope and the women who walk with me through it all. Today I don’t wake up in a hotel room with a needle in my arm and an overwhelming aching in my heart.

I Smile Every Single Day. I Laugh. I’m holding onto this with everything I’ve got so I can continue to discover all the amazing gifts in my life. IT IS NEVER, EVER TOO LATE!

– Lauren K. 29